Viva la Fat Bastard

So, Lucas is fat, I admit it. And he's slow, in a physical and a mental way. However, he is the sweetest, most loving, stupid, fat creature there ever was. Imagine my surprise when Lucas became my hero. A tough guy, kicking ass and taking names. It's true, I can't make this stuff up. Well, I can, but I'm not, I swear! It started with Phoebe catching a mouse in the basement. No small accomplishment with out claws. She merely has a full set of teeth and a caustic personality. Sadist that she is, she brought the mouse upstairs, still alive. She needed the light of the kitchen to see how her feline torture would affect the mouse. I am sure that mousey was intended as a gift for me, however, he escaped Phoebe's clawless clutches and scuttled under the baseboard heaters in the kitchen. This is around 11 o'clock pm and I was already sleeping a heavy rodentless worry slumber. Ami saw the whole thing and woke me up. Then the scene preceded as a slap-stick sitcom (imagine Laverne and Shirley with curly red hair) moment while we tried to usher the mouse into a tupperware dish so that we could take him outside and deliver him from the evil Phoebe and her henchman, Walter. Who by this time have both cornered the mouse in the baseboard heater. As Ami used the broom to get mousey out in the open, instead of capturing little mousey I jumped a foot in the air and danced around making gagging noises and fearing for my life. Mousey ran into my bedroom...I saw my life flash before my eyes. Ami and I gingerly poked our heads into my room and looked around for the mouse. There was only Lucas, swaggering out from the large closet. His face at first looking as he usually does, pink nose and sweet eyes...with a mouse ass sticking out of his mouth! The mouse seemed to have run directly into his open mouth. Lucas snapped the mouse's back and killed the vermin quickly and humanely. My Hero. He saved me from a night of sitting up fearing for my life that I may be over run by a nasty diseased rodent making it's new life in my bedroom. Viva la Fat Bastard!